my struggles

i love my kids! i think i love them too much to spend all, if not, most of my time with them. they are my priority that at times, i tend to sacrifice my own needs and wants just for them. and i think its taking its toll on me. as they say, too much of anything is bad.

its deafening to hear them cry all day! even if rob is not hungry nor sleepy, there are times that she would just cry. raya on the other hand, cries for no reason at all. i think she craves for attention. she cries when she doesn't get what she wants and cries too when i get mad at her.

its also those menial tasks that makes my everyday life crazy! such as picking up towels and dirty clothes scattered all over, picking up and putting toys, pillows and books in order, thinking of what to have for lunch, dinner and even for baon, feeding time and sleep time.  add to it the discplining, the budgeting and worrying how to survive for the next payday!

it all seems like a struggle every single day. 

i now have a yaya/helper who helps around the house. i delegate tasks to her. she also helps out taking care of the kids. i don't think we need another helper. we can't afford it too. is this a case of time management? i don't think so since we already have a schedule of our daily routine. so is it now becoming routinary? i try to have a ME time once a week. i nap at times in the afternoon even if it's just 15 minutes. perhaps its not enough. but what can i do?

so, is it me? do i expect too much from my kids? from myself?

the last thing i would want to be is be a monster mom.

i also don't want to lose myself...