finding love is not easy. i consider myself so blessed to have found it in my husband who is also my best friend. i didn't have my fair share of heart aches, countless boyfriends, MU's, and the like. i also didn't have those "puppy love" kind of relationship. i just had 1 serious boyfriend and i ended up marrying him. no regrets, really. infact, i am one lucky girl.
i hope that every girl could have the same experience. i hope that my girls will also find their true love at the right time and age and especially with the right one. how? there's only 1 sure way that i know because it worked for me, and that is to pray! i was specific when i prayed to God of the qualities that i want in a man. and my husband is the exact match. but i think i failed to mention to God that that man must be filthy ultra mega rich. haha! joke!
now that i have two girls, i will tell them that. the other ways, well, i will advise them to collect and select. haha! seriously, i still don't know what to do. i'll just cross the bridge when i get there. pray for the meantime. it never fails. besides, i know they will be different from me. time has changed. me and my husband could only do so much, that i know. we need to be open and share our experiences in order to guide them and give appropriate advise. and if there will come a time they will experience heart aches, we will definitely be there for them.
a few months ago, i came upon an article in a newspaper about love. i'm happy i was able to read it. i will post it here becuase i kinda agree with the writer, ana paje. someday, i will also let my girls read it. they may or may not completely agree with the writer, but its worth reading the article.
here it is.
Pag-ibig 101
January 9th, 2012
Let me just say that my dating
life is not something I can brag about during drinking sessions. I have never
been in a serious relationship, although I have had my fair share of
“flirtationships’’ in the past.
In my early teens, I had the
emotional maturity of a 5-year-old. I, along with countless other school girls,
would swoon over the guy in the amateur band one day and go head over heels
over the varsity stud the next day. But the bewitching power of the washboard
abs and the electric guitar could only keep for so long. Needless to say, we
moved on.
In a few years, teenage angst
changed me. Violent PMS bouts and over-analyzing emo songs led me to believe
that the perfect guy for me was an artist. I wiggled my way into the artists’
world of caffeine and nicotine. I penetrated their circles, indulging in
poetry, abstract paintings, indie films and underground music. Coffee shops
were suddenly the place to be for me.
For some bizarre reason, I talked
like I was always on the verge of tears. But I never actually cried. Crying was
for mainstream soap operas. I was not mainstream.
I began reading books on
philosophy that I never really understood. I forced myself to use big words
about isms in ordinary conversations. I wanted to believe I was hip, but the
truth was that I was just a melodramatic wannabe intellectual.
Before long, I was involved in a
pseudo-relationship with a fellow “hipster.” His ultra-deviant ways which
bordered on the anti-social took its toll on me. One thing led to another, and
we broke off whatever it was we had (or never had, to begin with), and I was
back to my old pop culture self.
Somewhere along the way, I got so
fed up with my unsuccessful attempts at relationships with men that I began to
think that maybe I was queer. So I had yet another failed pseudo-relationship,
this time with a woman. Fortunately, it did not end in tragedy like my previous
pseudo-relationships. After all, we are just two girls who happened to be
lonely at that time and sought comfort in each other. So we settled on
friendship, and it turned out to be a great one.
You could say I have been in and
out of the dating game for quite some time. Okay, so maybe most of it was cyber
and I was only half-serious, but still. . .
My experience with commitments
(or the lack thereof) has taught me a couple of things. One is that when you
enter a relationship, only one of two things can happen: you either get married
or you break up. So if you don’t see yourself having a family, raising kids,
growing old or spending the rest of your life with your partner, something is
wrong with the picture. It’s only a matter of time before the other option
kicks in. As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said, “Life has taught us that love does
not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the
same direction.” It could not have been put any better.
Hear me out and try to avoid the
seemingly inevitable. Do not get too attached to spur-of-the-moment flings.
Fleeting love(?) is bound to end in heartbreak. Spare your pillow the tears.
Two, falling in love was never
meant to be an identity crisis. Don’t change for the person you (think you)
love. Being the right person is being yourself. He either gets the full package
or no package at all. What’s the point of being in a relationship if, in the
confusion, you end up losing the most important thing: your gorgeous self?
Three, do not settle for an “MU’’
type of relationship—an open relationship, as some people call it. It’s like
making love and leaving the windows wide open for all the neighbors to see and
(God forbid) join. MU could mean Mag-isang Umiibig. With no loyalty, what proof
of your partner’s love do you have? If you care for each other, move heaven and
earth to make it work. There is no wrong time and wrong place for the right person.
Do not complicate things. MU simply is Malabong Usapan.
Four, do yourself and the world a
huge favor, and stop plotting revenge on your ex. Maybe the glass shoe didn’t
fit the first time, Ms Bitterella. Plan A-1 may not have turned out to be
bump-free as you expected it. But there are 25 other letters, and infinite
numbers—more than you could ever count, or as many as there are fish in the
sea. One fish out there in the ocean of possibilities is bound to be your
perfect catch. One break-up doesn’t mean the end of the world. You are still
young (and even if you are old), you deserve to be happy.
Five, you are a woman and you
live in the 21st century. You are not a damsel in distress. Knights in shining
armor are so last millennium. Make the first move. No, that doesn’t make you
pathetic and desperate. It makes you a strong, intelligent woman who can adapt
to change and is not afraid of her own feelings. However, it does make people
who think otherwise a bunch of dimwits.
Six and most importantly, learn
to love yourself. It is true that you can’t give what you don’t have. How can
you expect to love and to be loved if, for some twisted reason, you don’t give
yourself any respect?
That’s about everything I have
learned. There are other lessons I am sure. But don’t try to give them to me in
advance; I’m not a fan of spoilers. And I am sorry if I sounded preachy. Tough
love, I guess.
Take it from this single (not
bitter, but just sane enough) girl: Relationships tend to be messy, so unless
you are sure, don’t gamble. Love is an investment with no money-back guarantee.
If all else fails, be guided by reason but follow your heart.