i just wonder

sometimes i wonder if i am fit for this job of mine, you know, the domestic life a.k.a motherhood-and-slash-or-housewife. its a crazy world that i sometimes don't know what to do nor where to get the strength to move on. i have no regrets and no intention of quitting. its just that it is really tough and i wonder if i have what it takes to be promoted to the ceo level.

since we don't have a helper (yet) this summer, its me alone with the kids most of the time. the kids are blessed to have a hands on daddy who also loves to play with them everytime he's home. so what do i do when daddy needs to work? thats when i go crazy especially when i see my kids bored or hooked to the tube :(

the problem must be with me! :( for one thing, i am a boring mom. i'm not that creative when it comes to activities and play. i get tired easily when we play. im not really into tv, much more, into cartoons. so when they watch, i couldn't really stay focused. we couldn't really connect in this field. so perhaps this is the reason why raya once told her dad "i like you more than mommy". i wonder.

 

 

second, there's always something for me to do. chores, errands, and the business. it seems that i can't do it one thing at a time. it has to be done "now" because i seem to lack the time.  and there are always a thousand things need to be done.

third, i think im a bit perfectionist. there are things i want to do it by myself. i want things in order. i want things to be done. i want my kids to be busy; to have fun and to learn. am i asking too much?

lastly, i worry too much. the future, the finances, and not having time to pursue my goals and passion.   

yes, i wonder if i can be this person. yet i am THIS person. what is it that God has in store for me? what am i preparing for?

maybe it just one of those days. or maybe its the hormones. or, i may be worrying too much again.


i just wonder.