frustations

i recently finished watching the complete first season of Top Chef Just Desserts and i realized that there is more to baking. its exciting! i still have a lot to learn about being a pastry chef and i haven't even started yet. sure i love sweets and i like to bake. now i wonder if that's enough reason to really go full blast on it. i have always wanted to enroll in a culinary school so i could learn everything that i have to to become a really good pastry chef. afterwhich, i've also thought of applying in a hotel or resort. question is, how old will  i be then after i finish the course? will somebody hire me? i know that it shouldn't be a hindrance. i should concentrate on becoming the best, right? but hey, reality check, age does matter in the work place and the companies usually hire the young ones.

so what to do? just do it. start now. worry later. how? it is so costly. i don't have the funds. when? now? my kids are still young and i only have 1 yaya. hire another one? where will i get the money to pay for the extra help too?

aaarrgh! this is so frustrating. i just watched in the news last night the interview of jessica soho with john pelias, it was mentioned that money shouldn't be a problem. so what is the solution of my concern right now? perhaps baby steps? enroll in short courses?

wait, i have to go back, sit and think hard. do i really want this? in one of bo sanchez' e-books, he asked, how intensely do you desire your dream? simple, yet very powerful question. i still don't know the answer. i should continue reading and do what he asked so that i would know.

am i having a mid-life crisis?

i just want something more. i feel that i can do more. i want to be good at something.

i believe that there is nothing wrong in wanting to be more than just a mother and a housewife.