when is enough, enough?

re-posting. i posted this through my livejournal account...

when is enough, enough?

ricamae
April 10th, 23:21
the other day, something's bothering me and so i texted my friend and shared my thought: "when is enough, enough?". some say, never. others say, they don't know. as for me, i think it is enough when you want it to. this is with regards to my husband working so hard that he ends up missing on his meals and going home late. dont get me wrong. i am so proud of him because he is so focused on whatever he sets his mind to. and he is good! he is also driven. and most importantly, he have goals. he works hard because he wants to climb the corporate ladder and so we, his family, will benefit from it. he have all my support. but then, we also need him at home. i need him, too. true, that he spend his weekends with us. does that mean that weekdays are truly alotted for work alone? what about his health? if he does accomplish his goals and dreams, then what? will it lessen his workload so he'll have more time with us? if he reaches the top, we might be able to afford everything we have wanted and/or needed. but will that be enough? i am happy with the blessings that comes to us. i am proud of him. i am just worried about his health and the amount fo time spent for us and him alone. i understand that he also needs to work to be able to provide as man of the house. ey, there are bills to pay! i just hope that one day, all the sacrifices made by each one will be so worth it. i know that day will come. i pray that we wont be too greedy to want for more than what we can handle.
Tags: family, goal, time

happy 2mos old!!

happy 2 months old baby robin gail!! im happy and proud of you. always! me and daddy are glad that you've grown and looks so healthy. im also happy that im able to breastfeed exclusively up to this time despite the fact that it takes so much time and that i sometimes feel that its the only thing i do in a day :) i'll keep on pushing myself, for your good health. we love you!

missing him

its the first time in 5 years that me and my husband, rogelio, are apart for more than 5 days :( bummer! he's on a trip to mexico, cancun and taipei. cant join him this time since my 2 kids need me especially my new born and of course, due to budget constraints. he will be back on april 28. counting the days....

breastfeeding

i am worried. worried that i may not reach the 6th month to breastfeed baby gail exclusively. i am worried that i may not produce enough milk; 1) because i think i have too many things to do that i get tired by early evening, 2) because i am about to give up. that's sad isnt it, giving up? well, there are so many things that i have to do that i can't because i 'need to breastfeed'. my quality time with my husband and first daughter is also at stake. plus i am worried about earning on the side too. i honestly want to complete the 6 months. Lord, pls help me. also, i am confused because i research a bit on what to eat and what not to eat when breastfeeding. some says, one can eat anything. some says, you can't eat some food just yet. hay... what to do, what to do...

oh my...! am i having post partum? or just being a worry wart again? or having trouble managing my time?

happy 1 month Baby Gail!

it's been exactly a month ago when i gave birth to my second daughter, Robin Gail Reyes Banta. let me share that one-for-the-books story on how it happened....

we got home from a fun dinner with relatives at dampa in MOA around 12:30mn. me and raya washed up & dressed up, i checked my mails, chatted with my cousin mariska for a while and we went to bed around 1:30am. as usual, i wasn't comfortable in my sleeping position. i took this as normal because i'm on my 9th month and so no position is really ok for me. i was 'half-conscious' lying down. i'm just waiting. then at 2:30am, i felt a sudden gush. i wasn't sure if it was my water bag. what i knew was that if water bag breaks, water will just continuously go out. mine wasn't. they say that every pregnancy is different. so to be sure, i went to the bathroom. when i sat, water came pouring out. so that's how i knew "it is time".

and so i went to the room, prepared some stuff and woke up gelio. that was 2:45am. i took a shower then dressed up and called my mom to go to my house so she can sleep with raya. i was in pain. contractions came in quick intervals. it was different from before. i knew i was more than 1cm dilated. [i had my check up 3 days before & OB said, i was 1cm dialted]. i was holding on to the wall, the door. i can't breathe properly. i can't seem to hold the pain. i was shivering and i'm not sure if its because of the pain or because i was cold.

thank God gelio was there to drive me to the hospital. thank God it was early in the morning and so no traffic. thank God gelio drove fast (he even ran on red light!). thank God gelio insisted that i go through ER instead of walking myself up to the 5th floor, pre labor room. during that painful drive going to the hospital, i managed to text my OB, pedia & 3 BFF (anj, gra & noemi) informing them that i was on my way to the hospital.

when i got to ER, they sat me on a wheelchair. the nurse asked me who my OB was and seeing me shaking, asked me no further questions. so another nurse wheeled me to the 5th floor, constantly assuring me that its going to be ok and to just breathe. it was like in the movies. the elevator was taking so long! or i was just impatient :)

and so i got to pre-labor room. the doctor asked me to change into a lab gown and take a urine sample. it took so long for me to do it cos the pain is really intense. then she was about to let me sign some docs when she saw me shaking from pain. so she let me lie down and immediately called the resident OB. i can feel every contraction thats about to come. the OB was quick to come and did an IE. i said i don't want and i want the meds a.s.a.p but she said she needed to perform an IE. from then on, she did not removed her fingers. this time i was crying, holding tighlty to the other doctor (& pillow & bedsheet) and punching the wall. i kept on begging for the pain reliever. pain was truly unbearable! i heard my trying-to-be-calm husband enter the room & asked the doctor "whats happening? whats happening?!". at that time i got scared a bit cos people around me seem to be in a panic and was moving fast. i was also worried that my loving husband gelio will panic. i need him to be cool & collected for me. i also dont want him to worry too much. i knew that something is really happening. then the resident OB answered gelio and said: "sir, the baby is about to come out. i already can feel the head and i can't remove my hand from her because if i do, the baby will come out. she still has no pain reliever and wala pa po yung OB nya. we are now bringing her to the delivery room. on the way na rin po yung OB nya".

in the deliver room. it all went so fast and slow :) well, it was a full force team. lots of doctors and cute nurses, working so quickly on the equipments, moving me to the operating table, preparing the gadgets, etc. i was praying to all saints. praying hail mary's and our father's while holding on to the nurses. they were nice cos it was ok for them when i held them (or their uniforms) ever so tightly. even giving comforting words. even in great pain, i was conscious that the cute nurses/doctors saw me naked! haha! i was relieved when they say that i should not move cos they were about to put the anesthesia already. i prayed that God will give me the strength not to move even for 1 minute. and then the pain was gone. i saw my OB come in. worked. then with 1 push, Robin Gail was out! the nurse said: mommy, yun na yun. i said: "P.I.,! tapos na? yun na yun?!!!" then Robin Gail cried so loud, and i was ok. :)

wishing & hoping

i wish that i could earn as much (or even more) as i used to when i was still employed. do i sound so materialistic? don't get me wrong. i know a lot would want to be in the position where i am right now--being a full time mom & housewife--and there's no regret having made that decision. i really just want to help out my husband with the finances around the house. we have bills & debts to pay. most of his salary & my not-so-big earnings go to paying it all off. i just wish that there's money left for us to enjoy it even more. like perhaps, short trips on a 3-day weekend or buying nice present for each other and for the kids or even helping out our family, hiring an extra help in the house, etc. things like that. things that will make us enjoy what we worked hard for. things that will make us forget for a while about payables. things that will help our lives a bit more comfortable.

well, just wishing and hoping. its free anyway :)

DON'T stop

its been so long since I last posted a note here. being pregnant and lazy is not an excuse. nor having recently given birth either. i'm sorry :( it's just that, writing is so new to me. i've had a diary when i was young, but i never seem to carry it on as i grew up. one more thing, expressing my thoughts and feelings in writing is somewhat "revealing". somehow, i'd like to keep some things for myself. anyway, i'll try ok. besides, i saw this saying on tv by Confucius that i'd like to share and remember all the time. it goes: "It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you don't stop". Nice isn't it? when i saw it, it hit me. its so right for me. i'm old and yet, i feel i haven't reach my destination yet. i don't know yet my path. i still have a lot to learn, to discover, a long long way to go. sometimes, it is just frustrating. not from trying, but for not knowing. what do i do? i pray. and try to go on and walk this journey. and Confucius' saying inspires me more not to stop :)