change is good

being pregnant has its perks too, i realized. aside from being spoiled by the people around you, there's one thing i realized. well, at least for me. and i think that's good. since i dont want to be stressed about anything, i realized i could be patient especially that patience is really not one of my fine qualities :) i could also be objective. hehe. since it brought out the positivesness in me, i would want to keep those qualities--patience & being objective-- for a long time. hope i can keep it. so i guess change is good.

moments

i just want to share... last night i was so tired and weak. i was just resting on the bed and ii told raya, my first daughter, that i am so tired and that i needed a massage. so she stopped playing, went to me and rub my back. awwwww, isnt it that so sweet? sweet act. it also gives us pride that we as parents are instilling something good in her. :)

panic monday

i woke up this morning panicking. so many things to panic about :( or am i just a plain worry-wart? most monday mornings are like this. starting the day worrying what to do for the day and for the week, things needed to be done for the laundry shop, for my first born raya and for husband gelio. i have to admit that i also put a great time worrying about finances especially now that we are soon going to be a family of four. as it is, only husband is the breadwinner. the laundry shops that we own helps a little. i do feel guilty not contributing financially. if now that we are just three i am so worried, what about next year when we are 4? i'll give birth by feb or march. then raya will go to school. i really do need to have another source of income. a regular one. i dont think i am ready to go back to work especially now that i have 2 kids. a new business perhaps? but what?

it's been 1.5 years since i became a full time homemaker. so far we've survived. thank God! He does provide. i always try to re-connect with God. always pray. He is my only hope to guide me to the right direction. going back to a regular 8am-5pm job is not an option as of now especially when we witness the benefits of me being at home with my family. its more tiring all right, no pay, more stressful, no bonuses, and no rest days. but the rewards, its priceless! i am still in a panic mode as of now. but i know we can get through this. God had never failed us. i just need to focus and keep on thinking for ways and to keep on moving on... until i arrive to that destination in which He has promised me.

sweets sacrifice

today, i was advised by my OB to lessen sweets or sugar intake. she already told me last week during check up that the baby is big. now the blood tests or what they call the ugtt came out and it seems that my sugar level is high. so i need to 'diet' or else, ill have a hard time giving birth. not only that, the baby might be affected too. sugar, sweets, its what i live for. hehe. now i have to sacrifice my love for sweets just so to keep the baby (and me) healthy. now that's what i call a sweet sacrifice very worth taking :)

christmas gift

i am having a difficult time finding the right christmas present for my husband, Mahal. if money is not an issue, i think it will be easier. hehehe. tough times. besides, i kinda used up majority of my savings in our recent euro trip. oh well, at least it was well spent :) i have a couple of ideas but there are those 'limitations' thats why i'm not buying it. so yesterday, i went to the mall and went looking. i bought this shirt which i never thought of buying. aside from the price (i dont think a plain shirt should cost 3k and up), it is very common. all people has it. plenty of imitations too. nevertheless, i bought Mahal one. sheesh. now i'm wondering why. maybe because i'm desperate since christmas is so near and i have nothing to give him yet. or maybe becuse i wanted him to have one of those shirts. or maybe he deserves to have expensive stuff since he's been working so hard for us. hmmm, i think that's it. i would like to think that he deserves the best because he gives his best. he always give. he does not even expect anything in return. he works not for himself but for his family. Mahal is always the giver. i hope this is one way that i could show him we appreciate him. he is so selfless. we are so blessed to have him and he is one perfect christmas present.... and another baby on the way :D

another baby girl for us

we had our ultra sound last saturday, november 21, 2009 and found out that we are again going to have another baby girl. honestly, i felt a bit sad. just a bit. for a while. i wanted to have a boy this time since i plan that this will be my last. i also feel that my husband, like other dads, would love to have a boy too. just like mommies who wants a baby girl. thats my only reason. after giving it some thought, i realized, what the heck? girl or boy. as long as the baby is perfectly normal and healthy. we cannot really mold them into becoming exactly like us because no matter what, they are going to be different from us. they will and can "carry our names" by having our good qualities by instilling it in them. in all honesty, deep down, we really want our kids to be happy and to have a good heart. to have a good relationship with God and other people. to have self respect. to dream and reach for the stars. girl or boy, we will do the same thing, teach the same things, because they are OUR kids, God's gifts. parents wants whats best for their kids, right? so as parents, we will guide them to the best of our abilities so that they can be the best person they can be, girl or boy.

Mahal's bday

it's my mahal's bday today. and he's home. wowee!! rarely does he take a leave from work and he's here. no special plans whatsoever but since we rarely spend quality time together these days, this make it extra special. i'm glad. our daughter, raya, likes it too when he is home. i hope he likes my gift, a watch. it's a collection of his. one day, i hope (& i will), i could give him the more expensive ones. since it's his day, i'll order food that he likes, too. life is good!!

baby gab to little girl raya

our 1st baby raya, which we nicknamed baby gab, is now a little girl. though she still calls herself daddy's baby, she is indeed growing up fast.
me and my husband kinda know that already but our visit to the pedia made it more sure :) raya is now 30 months old and still drinks milk from the bottle. we were told that weaning starts at 1. hehe. and the moment that the first tooth comes out, she is supposed to visit the dentist. oops. i thought brushing 3x a day and eating less sweets is enough! ok ok. can first-timer-parents be an excuse for 'not knowing'? i guess i lack reading stuff about these things. ill try to do better. its never late. now i know, and so i have to do something asap!

an angel above

it's weird that i get to see the ultrasound of my second pregnancy exactly a year ago today. i reached for my Bible to do my devotion reading and there it was, the copy of the ultrasound. i was 6 weeks pregnant then. i was due for ultrasoudn that week. but i woke up on july 22 bleeding. at first i thought it was normal. it was just minimal bleeding. i called up my ob friend, wyeena, and told her of my situation. she asked me to see my OB right away. i said she already texted and asked me to rest and take dupahston ( a medicine to prevent lsoing the baby). i dont want to go to the hosp. so she asked me to bring my daughter raya to my mom's house so i could just lie down and rest. i did as i waS told. while resting infront of the comp, i happen to see my good friend mamai who's also a doctor based in the US. i told her also my situation. and i told its normal. she said its not. she asked me if i was having cramps. i was at first wondering what cramps means cos everthything is happening so fast. and then its slowing coming down on me. yes, i was bleeding. i was having cramps. and i know deep down it is not normal and that i had to rush to the hosp soon. i started crying. was in denial. mai told me to go now na. i begged that i'll just rest and go tomorrow. cos it will be ok tom. she forced me. and so i called up another good friend grahab. i just wanted an assurance. comfort. so i went to medical city with my mom. husband was to follow since he was already in the office. there, on july 22, at 11:57am, i saw the heartbeat. but something was wrong. i could feel it. the one taking the ultrasound just said that the heartbeat was too slow and that the position of the baby was too low. my cervix is open too. its as if the baby wants to come out. i was shocked. still in denial. i was hopeful. i was then confined. i kept on praying and hoping. part of me was really guilty. when i first found out i was pregnant, i didnt really take it nicely. tho i knew it is a blessing, i still feel that we weren't ready. mostly, financially. i just resigned from work then and the only source of income was from my husband's work. and we have bills to pay. that night, i prayed and asked for forgiveness. that night was the worst. all the doctors and OB kept on checking for my bloody discharge. checking if there's a big blood clot that will come out. the OB called me and kinda confirmed that "we are just waiting for the baby to pass". hmmm... i cried and cried. i dont know what to pray. if i pray for the baby to be saved, she/he might have a hard time in the end. if i pray for God to take him/her, its like im giving up. anyway, i prayed with my husband and he assured me that it was not our fault. the next day, the second ultrasound, we didn't see the heartbeat anymore. we didn't even see the baby. so she/he really 'passed'.
i prayed for forgiveness and acceptance. i kept on thinking positive thoughts. it was explained to me that the baby "is not compatible to life". though i questioned why the heartbeat, i guess, we can't really question God. through this experience, i learned that everything happen for a reason. i learned that life is truly a gift. having a child is a miracle. we have to embrace it no matter what situation we are in.
right now, we are pregnant again. all signs are ok. we are still praying and trusting Him more. we still have bills to pay, our first child is growing up fast, still 1 stable source of income, and yet, we remain hopeful. for He always provide. He never left us. He is always there. We also gained an angel above watching over us. :)

i am pregnant

it's confirmed, i am 7 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child! i've been wanting to share the good news but waited for a while just to be really sure. after the miscarriage exactly a year ago, i don't want to get too excited in spreading the news. the pregnancy kit, the check up and the ultrasound, all proved it to be absolutely sure :) so there ....