DON'T stop

its been so long since I last posted a note here. being pregnant and lazy is not an excuse. nor having recently given birth either. i'm sorry :( it's just that, writing is so new to me. i've had a diary when i was young, but i never seem to carry it on as i grew up. one more thing, expressing my thoughts and feelings in writing is somewhat "revealing". somehow, i'd like to keep some things for myself. anyway, i'll try ok. besides, i saw this saying on tv by Confucius that i'd like to share and remember all the time. it goes: "It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you don't stop". Nice isn't it? when i saw it, it hit me. its so right for me. i'm old and yet, i feel i haven't reach my destination yet. i don't know yet my path. i still have a lot to learn, to discover, a long long way to go. sometimes, it is just frustrating. not from trying, but for not knowing. what do i do? i pray. and try to go on and walk this journey. and Confucius' saying inspires me more not to stop :)

moving on

2010 is here. another year has passed and time to move on. yes, move on. to learn, to grow, to be wiser and be stronger. 2009 has been a challenge for us, my faimly and of course the philippines. it was tough all right. but i don't regret ever encountering all those challenges. because amidst all those tough roads, God has also provided some smooth rides. as for my family, we were blessed with another baby on the way, the trip to paris, southampton & london, good health, my husband's new task at work, we were spared from the natural calamity that has passed the country and so much much more. simple things that when add up, are truly great things. we've also had some financial struggles. actually, we are still having a struggle in that matter. but with what God has shown us, i know He wills ee us through. i believe we are still blessed. we still have our family, our good health, our friends, our work and we are still able to eat at least 3x a day. the challenges have made me realize a lof of things and i am bringing it with me this 2010 and hopefully forever. for one thing, re gift giving, its not really the size or the amount that matters, its really about thinking of what the person really likes for him/her to fully appreciate it. and it warms my heart to see them happy upon receiving the gift. another thing is living simply. i thought we were living a simple life already. but i believed we still could live much simpler and it doesn't make us less happy. in fact, it made us stronger. as husband and wife, we become united in making tough decisions, we communicate, we find comfort in each other. we help each other. i guess you could say its different from the movies wherein the challenges, especially the financial struggles, break the relationships. im happy to say thats not the way it is between me and my very patient husband. maybe the movies are just movies. haha. it is really a matter of perspective. i dont want these challenges to bring me down. i want to use it to my advantae. to bring out the creativity and the best in me. if this is the way that God wants us to become better persons, to prepare us for more challenges ahead, or to help stay grounded, then so be it. i welcome it. anyway, it is through Him that i am still here standing, ready to face anything and hoping for the best.

change is good

being pregnant has its perks too, i realized. aside from being spoiled by the people around you, there's one thing i realized. well, at least for me. and i think that's good. since i dont want to be stressed about anything, i realized i could be patient especially that patience is really not one of my fine qualities :) i could also be objective. hehe. since it brought out the positivesness in me, i would want to keep those qualities--patience & being objective-- for a long time. hope i can keep it. so i guess change is good.

moments

i just want to share... last night i was so tired and weak. i was just resting on the bed and ii told raya, my first daughter, that i am so tired and that i needed a massage. so she stopped playing, went to me and rub my back. awwwww, isnt it that so sweet? sweet act. it also gives us pride that we as parents are instilling something good in her. :)

panic monday

i woke up this morning panicking. so many things to panic about :( or am i just a plain worry-wart? most monday mornings are like this. starting the day worrying what to do for the day and for the week, things needed to be done for the laundry shop, for my first born raya and for husband gelio. i have to admit that i also put a great time worrying about finances especially now that we are soon going to be a family of four. as it is, only husband is the breadwinner. the laundry shops that we own helps a little. i do feel guilty not contributing financially. if now that we are just three i am so worried, what about next year when we are 4? i'll give birth by feb or march. then raya will go to school. i really do need to have another source of income. a regular one. i dont think i am ready to go back to work especially now that i have 2 kids. a new business perhaps? but what?

it's been 1.5 years since i became a full time homemaker. so far we've survived. thank God! He does provide. i always try to re-connect with God. always pray. He is my only hope to guide me to the right direction. going back to a regular 8am-5pm job is not an option as of now especially when we witness the benefits of me being at home with my family. its more tiring all right, no pay, more stressful, no bonuses, and no rest days. but the rewards, its priceless! i am still in a panic mode as of now. but i know we can get through this. God had never failed us. i just need to focus and keep on thinking for ways and to keep on moving on... until i arrive to that destination in which He has promised me.

sweets sacrifice

today, i was advised by my OB to lessen sweets or sugar intake. she already told me last week during check up that the baby is big. now the blood tests or what they call the ugtt came out and it seems that my sugar level is high. so i need to 'diet' or else, ill have a hard time giving birth. not only that, the baby might be affected too. sugar, sweets, its what i live for. hehe. now i have to sacrifice my love for sweets just so to keep the baby (and me) healthy. now that's what i call a sweet sacrifice very worth taking :)

christmas gift

i am having a difficult time finding the right christmas present for my husband, Mahal. if money is not an issue, i think it will be easier. hehehe. tough times. besides, i kinda used up majority of my savings in our recent euro trip. oh well, at least it was well spent :) i have a couple of ideas but there are those 'limitations' thats why i'm not buying it. so yesterday, i went to the mall and went looking. i bought this shirt which i never thought of buying. aside from the price (i dont think a plain shirt should cost 3k and up), it is very common. all people has it. plenty of imitations too. nevertheless, i bought Mahal one. sheesh. now i'm wondering why. maybe because i'm desperate since christmas is so near and i have nothing to give him yet. or maybe becuse i wanted him to have one of those shirts. or maybe he deserves to have expensive stuff since he's been working so hard for us. hmmm, i think that's it. i would like to think that he deserves the best because he gives his best. he always give. he does not even expect anything in return. he works not for himself but for his family. Mahal is always the giver. i hope this is one way that i could show him we appreciate him. he is so selfless. we are so blessed to have him and he is one perfect christmas present.... and another baby on the way :D