wishing & hoping

i wish that i could earn as much (or even more) as i used to when i was still employed. do i sound so materialistic? don't get me wrong. i know a lot would want to be in the position where i am right now--being a full time mom & housewife--and there's no regret having made that decision. i really just want to help out my husband with the finances around the house. we have bills & debts to pay. most of his salary & my not-so-big earnings go to paying it all off. i just wish that there's money left for us to enjoy it even more. like perhaps, short trips on a 3-day weekend or buying nice present for each other and for the kids or even helping out our family, hiring an extra help in the house, etc. things like that. things that will make us enjoy what we worked hard for. things that will make us forget for a while about payables. things that will help our lives a bit more comfortable.

well, just wishing and hoping. its free anyway :)

panic monday

i woke up this morning panicking. so many things to panic about :( or am i just a plain worry-wart? most monday mornings are like this. starting the day worrying what to do for the day and for the week, things needed to be done for the laundry shop, for my first born raya and for husband gelio. i have to admit that i also put a great time worrying about finances especially now that we are soon going to be a family of four. as it is, only husband is the breadwinner. the laundry shops that we own helps a little. i do feel guilty not contributing financially. if now that we are just three i am so worried, what about next year when we are 4? i'll give birth by feb or march. then raya will go to school. i really do need to have another source of income. a regular one. i dont think i am ready to go back to work especially now that i have 2 kids. a new business perhaps? but what?

it's been 1.5 years since i became a full time homemaker. so far we've survived. thank God! He does provide. i always try to re-connect with God. always pray. He is my only hope to guide me to the right direction. going back to a regular 8am-5pm job is not an option as of now especially when we witness the benefits of me being at home with my family. its more tiring all right, no pay, more stressful, no bonuses, and no rest days. but the rewards, its priceless! i am still in a panic mode as of now. but i know we can get through this. God had never failed us. i just need to focus and keep on thinking for ways and to keep on moving on... until i arrive to that destination in which He has promised me.