i just wonder

sometimes i wonder if i am fit for this job of mine, you know, the domestic life a.k.a motherhood-and-slash-or-housewife. its a crazy world that i sometimes don't know what to do nor where to get the strength to move on. i have no regrets and no intention of quitting. its just that it is really tough and i wonder if i have what it takes to be promoted to the ceo level.

since we don't have a helper (yet) this summer, its me alone with the kids most of the time. the kids are blessed to have a hands on daddy who also loves to play with them everytime he's home. so what do i do when daddy needs to work? thats when i go crazy especially when i see my kids bored or hooked to the tube :(

the problem must be with me! :( for one thing, i am a boring mom. i'm not that creative when it comes to activities and play. i get tired easily when we play. im not really into tv, much more, into cartoons. so when they watch, i couldn't really stay focused. we couldn't really connect in this field. so perhaps this is the reason why raya once told her dad "i like you more than mommy". i wonder.

 

 

second, there's always something for me to do. chores, errands, and the business. it seems that i can't do it one thing at a time. it has to be done "now" because i seem to lack the time.  and there are always a thousand things need to be done.

third, i think im a bit perfectionist. there are things i want to do it by myself. i want things in order. i want things to be done. i want my kids to be busy; to have fun and to learn. am i asking too much?

lastly, i worry too much. the future, the finances, and not having time to pursue my goals and passion.   

yes, i wonder if i can be this person. yet i am THIS person. what is it that God has in store for me? what am i preparing for?

maybe it just one of those days. or maybe its the hormones. or, i may be worrying too much again.


i just wonder.

gift of an ordinary day

i definetely will buy the book. whats it about? watch...

typhoon pedring

last monday to tues, september 26-27, the storm pedring hits the country. it was scary. actually, with every storm that comes to pur country, scares me. with what happened to typhoon ondoy last year and the milenyo back in 2006, who wouldn't be traumatized. actually, i think i am more scared now because i am a mother. i honestly don't know what to do. i also don't know if i can handle everything if anything happens.

these typhoons, are proofs that anything can happen to anyone. how can one be ready, i don't know. even if i prepare the emergency kit that the experts require, even if i condition myself to be alert and not to panic, i know it will be different when i am in that situation already.

so my prayer goes like this: Lord i am glad for the rain that fills the dam and water the trees, but can it be just rain and not typhoon? please Lord, no disasters please.

moms

my good friend cimeon sent this to me and thought i might share it here. its so funny and yet so true. read on.

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me..

What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.



motherhood first

happy mother's day!
no special plans today. husband is in london for his annual incentive trip. im trying to save. im working on a project with my mom. and mom doesn't really feel like going out. besides, we already had a family dinner and coffee last week. so we just plan on having a massage later :)

anyway, it is mother's day. so let me share about my experieces as a mother.

with my girls

one thing i've learned is that motherhood is hard. it's a tough 24/7 job one shouldn't take lightly.

when i resigned from the company i used to work for 7.4 years, most comments i received were: how envious they are of me, they didn't see me as a stay-at-home-mom, and what a big sacrifice i was making. i was happy to take that leap and knew that it will be a different and hard life ahead of me. like anything else, you don't know what you're in for unless you are in it. the responsibilities for somebody else's life (2 for me) is so great that it is so overwhelming. its not only just the big things like paying for their education and insurance, taking care of their health, and forming their values. small things matter a lot. the words that you say to them, the amount of time you spent with them, how it is spent, the people you leave them with, the different things that you can and can't do with them compared to other kids, and so on. and there is  also the "smaller things" too such as the food they eat every single day, the clothes they wear, the toys they play, the shows that they could and could not watch, activities, books, hygiene, and so much more. i really have to be on  my toes all the time. even on my ME time, i am thinking of them. i have to.

i am honesly scared. how i am as a mother will reflect on who or what they will be as a person. what i try to do is pray more and pray harder. that's the only sure weapon i have that i know wouldn't fail. i think being scared is ok. it makes me a better person by being and doing good. it is true that motherhood brings out the best in a person. i am not a patient person. now i am trying to be one. i am not a good cook. but i cook every meal. if not, they will go hungry and of course i don't want that. i am not a teacher. but i try to teach them. at the same time, i learn too. i became creative as well not only in the arts and crafts field, but in ways to make boring days fun or how to get them to eat or learn. haha.

there is so so so much more.  despite the advice you get from your mommy friends, from the books that you read, articles you read in blogs and newspaper or any media, or even from your own mother, one wouldn't fully know what it is to be a mother. and i didn't completely realize it until i finally became one.

it actually took me so long to realize that the first step to making it a bit easy is to accept and embrace the role that God has given me. for the longest time, i am seeking my role here on earth. and its just right there infront me -- its called motherhood.

i am

i'm in my thirties, married, got two kids and yet it still surprises me on the things i discover especially about myself. i learn and grow because i am a wife and a mother.

a lot of my friends say that they never thought i would be a housewife and a stay at home mom. maybe because i used to organize events which requires partying all night. i was also into sports which requires me to train in the mornings and afternoons and even on weekends. i have diverse set of friends whom i hang out with every week. in short, i just go home to sleep, take bath and change clothes :)

well, that's the teenage life. married life and motherhood is different. and i can say that it brings out the best in me :) i have my kids to thank for. raya, a toddler and, robin, an 8-month old baby. and of course, a very understanding and supporting husband. 

in this new phase of my life, i became more patient (tho i need to stretch it some moooorrree!) especially when it comes to tending to raya's constant need of attention and robin's  assurance every time she cries for no reason at all. it takes a lot of effort not to spank raya when she is being a brat. and can i just say more patient with my husband? (sorry mahal!) well, men are from mars. period! haha! i try to forgive easily. how can i not be when a "sorry" is followed by a hug and a kiss from a kid? i try to be creative too so as to turn a boring day to a fun filled day. it could be a baking day, or a puzzles day or a time at the park day or an ice cream day, etc. i also find creative ways to teach raya about numbers, alphabet, how to write, drawn, and talk about God. i can also cook now. well on a regular basis. im still not that good but at least my family isn't hungry. i think i am more practical too. again, ive learned the expensive way. buying things that are of no use. realizing later on that i could buy stuff at a cheaper price. i now found out that some things are really not worth buying. i am not selfish, but i learned to think of myself less. tending to my family's needs is on top of my list. its ok for me if i don't get an 8-hour sleep, just as long as i rise up early and prepare their things and breakfast. i learned to be a kid again where playing is fun. its both a learning and bonding moment for us.

there are plenty of things, really. sometimes i myself could not believe that i could do it. so i just offer a prayer of thank you to God for allowing me to be better and for seeing it. for giving me these special people who could bring out the best in me. i am humbled. 

it makes me want to be a better person. to seek and know God more. so i could pass this on to them. cos the joy and peace it brings... its so amazing!

happy birthday mom

its my mom's birthday today. she is now 60 and she doesn't look her age at all. perhaps she is truly happy with her life or she just knows how to handle her numerous concerns.

i love my mom. despite our differences, she is one person i am afraid of losing. selfish as it may seem, i pray to God that she may not join Him yet. i need her in more ways than one. she takes care of our kids when we are out, even if she wants some peace and quiet for rest. she buys stuff for us especially for the kids, sometimes ending up not buying anything for herself.  she treats us to restaurants, even if it means using her credit card and paying it off for months. she gives advise especially on marriage and motherhood even to the brink of being tactless. she lends us money even if it means touching her funds for her retirement. she includes us in her grocery list, even if it means going beyond her budget.

again, she is now 60 years old, and she still works hard. i know she would want to retire and enjoy her life. but she cant. she wont. and its because of us and her grandchildren.

these things that she does for us, no matter how small it is, its really BIG for me. i wonder if she knows that i really appreciate it all. i am not good in expressing my feelings to my family (i am trying to change that now in my own family). there are time that i find it annoying when she keeps on yakking at me. and yet, i sometimes find myself following her advise.

i just don't know how i can repay her for her sacrifices for us as a mother. it sometimes hurts my pride to see that she is the one who's helping us instead of the other way around. as of now,  i try my best and pray hard to be the best mother for raya & robin and to be the best wife to gelio. maybe somehow, i could return the favor.

my mom, she desrves the best. if only i have the resources, i'd love to give her a car so she wont have to commute. or perhaps buy her a plane ticket, business class, to somewhere where she wants to go. or shopping money and buy whatever she wants. or a house to her name. that will be great!

but for now, i'll still continue to include her in my prayers. that God may continue to bless her and make her happy. to be at peace with her life.  and that before she returns to Him, may she be truly fulfilled with her life.

hugs and kisses to you mom. i love you!

wishing & hoping

i wish that i could earn as much (or even more) as i used to when i was still employed. do i sound so materialistic? don't get me wrong. i know a lot would want to be in the position where i am right now--being a full time mom & housewife--and there's no regret having made that decision. i really just want to help out my husband with the finances around the house. we have bills & debts to pay. most of his salary & my not-so-big earnings go to paying it all off. i just wish that there's money left for us to enjoy it even more. like perhaps, short trips on a 3-day weekend or buying nice present for each other and for the kids or even helping out our family, hiring an extra help in the house, etc. things like that. things that will make us enjoy what we worked hard for. things that will make us forget for a while about payables. things that will help our lives a bit more comfortable.

well, just wishing and hoping. its free anyway :)